the smoothie


My boss told me, “One thing is not made in China, and that is hope.” I remembered that when the factory doors closed. At least I still had my night job, doing customer satisfaction surveys by telephone. Tonight is Cuisinart blenders. I used to manufacture Cuisinart blenders. I know what you’re thinking—they’re made in China. No, they’re made right here in Peoria, Indiana. Or were. Everyone I call says they like their Cuisinart blender, even those I just woke up. Especially the PowerEdge. Tears of pride well in my eyes. The hardest thing was attaching the blades to the motor. You listened for a “click.” Then you knew they wouldn’t come off. To make his point the boss told us about a man who was put into a coma by a mango strawberry smoothie. True, the flying blade wouldn’t have been a problem if he’d kept the lid on, as the instructions say. But who reads the instructions, which are in Chinese? The boss said he went to the hospital and found the customer on a respirator with his eyelids taped shut but the TV on. Like The Shopping Channel was playing inside the brain. After that all of us made sure the blades went, “click,” loose rhinestones falling on tile.

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