The World's Oldest Dildo
Long before the Shroud of Turin
or an Antikythera Mechanism
drawn up swamped with sea-rust,
nearly three hundred centuries
before Tutankhamun's death mask,
this polished siltstone relic
found its way into a German cave.
Sure, it's worth a snicker, imagining
Ice Age couples with sex toys,
but still it strikes me as quaint—
hunched shoulders carefully sanding
out every potential snag, a mate
smirking across the campfire,
a hide hung over the cave-mouth.
How to know that the wind outside
would go on howling that way,
so many ages of chariots and gore?
That the stars were just stars,
that no gods hurled the lightning
or left berries under the ice?
Let's give it a test run, one of them said
in a series of Ice Age grunts,
and through no miracle but their own,
they crafted heat to melt the glaciers.
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