Two Robots


the kind robot

Hydrogen bombs fell from the sky and there was annihilation.  A lot of people were annihilated and depressed.  Many robots were annihilated and there were puddles of red hot molten robot everywhere.  The sky was gray, and the clouds were gray.  The kind robot was born.

What sort of world is this? said the kind robot.  He started helping people recover from radiation sickness and hid them from Zombies.  The Zombies were cruel and wanted to eat their brains.  That is the essence of Zombie culture.

Everyone was mad and scared.  They all agreed there would be no more literature.

The survivors were all covered with horrible radiation scars and their genitalia were messed up.  There were still some cats and dogs around.  The kind robot let them eat dead people.  He didn't know what else to do.  He was only one robot.  He was the only robot left.

The sky turned burnt orange.  The clouds were lime.  Somebody wrote some literature.  Somebody killed the kind robot.  They all said he was too kind.  Nobody could stand him anymore.  There were no more robots after that.



the evil robot

I was at a party.  Nothing was happening.  Two boring girls were carrying little yapping dogs the size of gophers.  I made a mental note to strangle the dogs with piano wire if I thought I could get away with it.  I sipped at my drink.  I tapped the floor with my shoe.

You touched my shoulder with metal fingers.  I turned around and stared at you.

You said I am a robot.  I said a robot? with a question mark but more an echo of what you said than a real question.  You had smoothly muscled flesh.  Underneath was an indestructible metal endoskeleton and many other things.  You would be my first robot.

We talked for a while and you invited me to see your crummy apartment.  Yes I would like that, I said.  My heart was beating wildly.  Your heart was powered by plutonium.

You lifted me in your arms and we flew out the window.  You had little rockets in special compartments in your feet.  We flew and flew.  Over skyscrapers.  Through clouds.  I felt stupid, like Lois Lane.  I didn't know you were programmed for evil.  You landed in the parking lot of Rotollo's Pizza where a scraggly tree was trying to grow.  The tree was breathing tree cancer into its leaves and giving back oxygen.  I sucked the oxygen into my pink lungs.

We ate some pizza and you talked about how it felt to be a robot.

Later at your crummy apartment we drank glasses of wine and made robot love.  After, you smoked a cigarette and I smoked a cigarette.  You touched me gently, in special places.  How could you know me so well?  You could shoot x-rays out your eyes and had a complete schematic of my body.

At dawn we lay unmoving holding hands, two motionless bodies under a white sheet.  You confessed your mission was to unleash chaos in human societies, so robots could gain ascendancy.  You would breed us like sheep, you explained, to eliminate our violent tendencies.  You said, it won't be like you think.

Oh evil robot! I wept.  You made one bad mistake!  Then I reached for your off switch.  You did not try to stop me but just looked sad.  I turned you off.  Tears dripped down my face and splashed on your flawless skin.  As I touched your body it grew cold.

I will never love a robot again.  
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